Where Do Really Messed Up Adults Come From?

Hey, flashy guy here.

Thanks for starting this second episode in the series, “Some Adults in Your Life are Really Messed Up.”

The script is available as a blog post at GoodMentalSoil.com

In this video I’ll tell you the greatest revenge you can take on the really messed up adults in your life.

Before I do, I’ll recap the first episode.

In episode 1, I talked about the difference between really messed up adults and those who are just messed up like I am…and almost every other adult I know.

And, if you’re one of those people who think you’re already really messed up… there’s hope.

I also pointed out how easy it is for something that is modeled TO you to become part OF you.

And finally, I talked about how important it is to build “give and receive” mutually satisfying relationships…not give and take.

In this video I’ll talk about how some people become really messed up adults, along with what was probably your first, “What the crap?!” moment.

As I always do, I need to point out that this video is for educational purposes only. I’m not providing you with counseling.

My views are my personal opinions based on my experiences. If you find them helpful…Great! If not, ignore them completely.

My goal is for you to *NOT* become just like the really messed up adults in your life, so it helps for you to understand how some of them got that way.

I think the majority are made…not born.

When we’re born, we have no power, no control, and a brain that knows nothing about the world.

In a sense, our brain is good mental soil.

We quickly develop a robust communication system of sounds, wiggles, and facial expressions.

And it’s wonderful when parents and caregivers learn our system and respond appropriately.

Unfortunately, when some of us were a newborn and we tried to communicate our needs, our parents and caregivers were not tuned to our frequency.

They were often preoccupied with their own lives, which can be super frustrating for us as newborns…

and perhaps even MORE SO when we get older.

Eventually we give in on this communication game.

We learn THEIR ACCEPTABLE sounds, wiggles, facial expressions, language, and thoughts.

We also learn THEIR RULES for power and control.

We conform to all of this so we can belong and fit in, which makes us feel safer than being alone.

Now, for some families FEELING safe and BEING safe ARE the same.

If that’s your situation…Great!

Unfortunately for others, FEELING safe by conforming to what is expected…and BEING safe…are not the same.

Young people in THIS type of family eventually experience…”The Awakening.”

It can happen at any age.

They’re cruising along conforming, learning how to fit in, and then they stop, look around, and think, “What the crap?”

These adults AREN’T doing what they say they do.

They call me stupid, and I get better grades than they did.

I even make better decisions than they do.

They call me lazy and worthless, and they don’t do squat.

They tell me I’ll never amount to anything, and they’ve given up trying.

What gives THEM the right to tell me *I’m really messed up*?

And if I am really messed up, their crap has a lot to do with it.

In essence, what started out in their brain as good mental soil has become a toxic waste dump used by the really messed up adults in their life.

This Awakening demands that you make a choice:

Continue to Conform or Create.

Continue to conform to their expectations or create your own.

Continue to conform to their way of life or create your own.

If you continue to conform, you need to understand that conforming to the expectations and rules of really messed up adults just because it feels familiar… isn’t safe.

Becoming like them so you will be accepted and belong…isn’t safe.

If you continue to conform, it will be the death of who you were meant to be.

Like I said in the previous video.

You will live a life like theirs.

You will have relationships and marriages like theirs.

And you will relate to your children like they do to you.

The good news is that this does not need to be your destiny.

You can learn what’s going on in the minds and lives of really messed up adults.

You can find adults who are better role models, and you can learn how to make better choices.

You can choose how you want to be in the world.

You can choose to discard your negative thoughts about yourself that were injected into your mind by really messed up adults beginning when you were young and continuing to this day.

You can choose not to be controlled by them.

Unfortunately, choosing who you want to be in the world, letting go of negative thoughts about yourself, and not being controlled by others is difficult.

A young man once told me his strategy for not being controlled by his parents.

“Whatever they tell me to do, I do the opposite.”

I asked him, “So if you always do the opposite of what your parents tell you to do, doesn’t that mean they’re still kind of controlling what you do?”

“You know, in an indirect way.”

“Have you ever asked yourself, what do YOU WANT to do?

What future do YOU want to build for YOURSELF?”

I never saw him again, so I don’t know if he ever answered those questions.

When you find yourself in the midst of really messed up adults, you need to choose your own path. Build your own future.

Being angry at them won’t get you anywhere you wanna be.

And if you think about it, the best revenge you can take on the really messed up adults in your life is to NOT become just like them.

Of course, breaking free and launching out on your own journey to wholeness can be terrifying.

If you do, you have to remember that there are a ton of other really messed up adults, some of whom are evil, just waiting to have a crack at you.

You gotta be smart about how you do this. You don’t just hop on a bus to a new city.

There are a lot of young people who are victims of human trafficking at this very moment who will tell you that wasn’t a good idea.

When you do make smart changes in your life, you’ll most certainly encounter Jeerleaders, proclaiming how quickly you will fail…and you will!

Big deal, so what? Learn what you need to learn. Get up and continue your journey.

So the main points of this video are:
The majority of really messed up adults are made, not born.

Many young people have an awakening when they look around at the really messed up adults in their life and think, “What the crap?”

You can choose to discard your negative thoughts about yourself that were injected into your mind by really messed up adults beginning when you were young and continuing to this day.

You can choose your own path. Build your own future.

And finally, the best revenge you can take on the really messed up adults in your life is to NOT become just like them.

Have you ever wondered why making changes and starting your own journey can be so difficult?

In the next video I’ll talk about a little structure in your brain called the amygdala.

Its purpose is to keep you safe.

Unfortunately, its efforts to keep you safe can also be deadly to your future and your relationships.

I’ll close as I always do.

At times life can be really difficult.

If you or others you know are struggling with feelings of harming yourself or someone else,

I have some resources on how to get help at my website, GoodMentalSoil.com.

These include the national 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline that you can reach by either dialing or texting 988.

Regardless of how you may feel about yourself at any given moment, your life is precious.

You ARE worth it.

You’re the reason I’m doing this.